the day started okay until i got out of bed, really.

not long after that, i felt alarmed, then ashamed, then angry and judged, and since then it's kind of been a shitshow.

now granted. it's about another week til full moon. we already know this bitch is in high gear

but goddammit do i have to be SUCH a bitch now?

i feel like setting shit on fire and i swear to god if you don't turn off your bullshit news in the breakroom i'm going to break something myself

i want to tell everyone and everything to shut the absolute fuck up

i want to be back in bed and wholly unconscious

i want it to be a different day. fucking yesterday, even

god if i didn't have such a shitty attitude, the people who love me might actually like me

there's a point where you become numb to failure, and that's when the real slide starts.

complacency is the devil, right? but honestly, why fucking bother?

i'm going to fuck it all up, anyway. even when i really think i've nailed it, i've fucked up.

and how many times have i let myself even yearn for pyrrhic victory?

that i'll let myself fucking burn if it means i finally achieve my goal?

nope. shut down there, too

there's a point of failure so far gone where i don't even really register, anymore.

and fuck anyone else who expected more of me, anyway.

ugh. ugh.

the real bitch of it all is the passage of time.

the real bitch of living is seeing all the years i've wasted,

swearing up and down that i'd make something of myself.